We all know that every family has there issues. This week was pretty hard because my family has had personal experience with this. I recently wrote two papers about my family origin one for my family relation class and another one for my Family 100 class. I connected a Newtons cradle to my family and how the strings were my mom.. my dad and step dad the poles and the balls the kids. I also included my oldest brothers as the hands which kind of set things in motion.
In my other paper I looked at my family through the scope of the proclamation. I want to add this in my blog because it will help those understand my background and that even though I talk about making the perfect family I don't come from a perfect family but I love my family.
Family Roots
I.
Demographics
I
grew up in a small town in Utah called Magna. I have four bothers and one
sister; I am the youngest. My parents got divorced when I was seven. I lived
with my mom, who now being single, worked through the week. She decided to go
back to school to be a nurse so she could support her six kids. My dad had made
an agreement to pay child support, but not being able to keep a job because of
his bipolar, paid it from his social security. The four youngest siblings,
Jessica, David, Andrew and I would go to my dad’s house on the weekends. He
lived with his parents so we had time with Dad, Grandma, and Grandpa. People
told me I was too little to really know what was going on, so I wasn’t too
affected. Family life was hard, but it brought our family closer somehow and
has definitely shaped a part of who I am today.
II.
The Family Proclamation to the World
In 1995, The Church of
Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints came out with a proclamation to the world in
regards to families in and out of the Church. It has helped me see where God’s
family goals are so that I may also guide my life through this vision.
A. Sacred
Ordinances and Covenants
I
have learned about how families can be together forever through temples. The
document states that “Holy temples make it possible for individuals to return
to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally”. This is only
possible if those covenants are made in the temple and individuals keep those
promises throughout their lives.
My
family was sealed together before I was born. When my parents got divorced,
they were still sealed together. When my mom decided to get remarried she wrote
a letter explaining her situation and why she wanted to break the seal with my
dad. Because of the circumstances she got a reply, and the seal was taken off
so that she could be sealed to her new husband. Charles, my step dad, is a
convert to the church, and when his year mark arrived they were sealed together
for time and all eternity. This was quite confusing for the family for a time
because we didn’t know who was going to be sealed to whom, if we were stilled
sealed to both our mom and dad or Charles. I am grateful though that we have
those solid links that keeps me hopeful that if I continue to follow Christ I
will be able to live with family throughout eternity.
B. Husbands,
Wives, and Children.
Things weren’t always the
easiest growing up, and it is true that I was pretty little. It didn’t really
hit me as hard as the other kids at the time. God’s ideal family did not happen
for us. We strived to have Family Home Evening, scripture study, and family
prayer. My dad worked as a truck driver when I was young so I felt that our
home was more of a matriarchal family, with the addition of my oldest brother
Chris filling in the role of father figure.
i.
My Father
I
want to preface this with the thought that I love my dad very much and we have
a great relationship. He is a different man from the guy I have heard about
from my younger days. There was a problem because my dad suffers from Bipolar
Disorder. Although, he only realized this many years after their divorce.
Because of this, it was really hard for my dad to keep a job. His anger issues
got him in trouble, getting in a range of fights with his boss’ and customers.
So fulfilling that role of “Providing the necessities of life and protection
for their families” was a struggle. My dad was also physically abusive with my
mom and my two older brothers. It’s hard to feel safe with someone who is the
source of fear in the home.
My mom wanted him to get help and go to counseling but he
refused. Dad did preside in our home but not really out of “love and
righteousness”. With bipolar there are highs and lows. I remember him getting
upset at cashiers or sometimes he would make silly jokes to them. It used to be
pretty bad but now mostly he is just a funny guy since he has been able to
recognize those bipolar moments. As I mention earlier, he has completely
changed. One of the things that is so great about him is that he is a friend. I
can always count on him. He makes me feel important and loved. I have always
had a good relationship with my dad even when I was younger, so I’ve been told.
Because of these experiences, I would really like to find
someone who is able to provide for me and my family “in love and
righteousness”. I feel if my partner were ever to physically abuse me I hope
and believe that I would walk out at that moment. Now, I don’t know if that is
rational or not. I might be overly sensitive to that or it might be a really
good thing. My paradigm might be off.
ii.
My Mother
I
have mentioned a bit about her earlier, but I would like to go more in depth.
She isn’t perfect, of course, but she is remarkable. She did a great job of
trying to “establish and maintain principles of faith, prayer, repentance,
forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational
activities”. Of course trying to get all 6 kids gathered and interested with
age groups varying is very hard. I think this is one of the great things about
the proclamation, though, because it teaches us to accommodate and work
together to achieve the goal of a celestial family. Not all of us kids could
see it that way; arguing, fighting, and teasing were often outcomes. Family
Home Evening, scripture study, and prayer did bring us closer together a lot of
the time too.
The rules she set up were inspired as well. We each had a
night to cook, had a chore, and set up consequences for disobedience. The main
one that is coming to my mind is the rule of taking without asking (aka:
stealing), where we would have to pay back double of what we took, and if it
was a package of something we would have to repay them with a whole other one.
I really like this because one time, someone took one of my Creamies and I got
a whole other box of Creamies! It was great when I was on the receiving end,
but when I had to pay back my sister double of what I took from here it was a
great lesson to me not to take things without asking.
iii.
My Siblings
I
have always loved how the order of my siblings has gone; two boys followed by a
girl repeated twice, with me as the youngest. We all play a part in our family.
At times I really felt that we “Loved and served” each other, especially when
we were at rock bottom. I felt that if we had to live on the street that they
would let me sleep in the card board box. At other times, we probably really
would have killed each other.
One
of my favorite things we did as a family is something that my mom set up as the
“Love Bug”; it was this cute little stuffed animal bug that had heart antennas.
Whoever had the love bug would give a secret service and leave the love bug in
place of the act then that person would pass it on. I loved this. I taught it
to a couple of families on my mission, and it is one thing that I will
definitely be doing in my own home.
C. The
Individual
All
this information is great if we put it to good use. There is no point in giving
counsel if it is not followed. For me personally, these things are so important
to follow and have my family be guided by. It’s a great way for me to have a
divine perspective to outline my goals in life. I know that I will also not be
perfect, but I will try my best to start having family home evening, pray, and
scripture study from the start of my marriage. This will help me prepare and
have the habits to guide the little ones who are placed in my care.
III.
When All Is Said and Done
What
a blessing it is to have the “Family: A Proclamation to the World” to be a
staple for communities and families everywhere with such great promised
blessings. I love this document as well for its powerful warning
“We
warn individuals… who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day
stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the
family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nation the calamities
foretold by prophets”.
I do not want to be one
of the ones who contributes to the calamities of the world. Rather, I want to
be “a responsible citizen” who “promotes those measures designed to maintain
and strengthen the family”. I will strive to do all I can to learn about the
family so that I may be a tool in God’s plan to accomplish these things.
I know that if we follow the proclamation we will be able to over come the crisis that come our way and as we develop working on correct boundaries and family systems we will find love and peace in our homes.
